I can’t stress how important this conversation is for your career – I know so many field grade officers with regrets because they never “had time” to have kids and when they finally decided children fit into their current plan, they either had biological issues or then had to turn down once-in-a-career opportunities to put their family first. I didn’t want to be in that situation, my husband and I both wanted children, and were dual-military when we got married, so I started identifying “baby windows” in our long term plans. I considered times when having a newborn would be the most challenging, deployment windows, CCC dates, and the like, for myself as well as my husband. My goals were to have at least one baby before I turned 30, but also that my husband and I would see each other every single day for at least 30 days straight before we were “settled” enough to have a family. Diet, stress, and family planning methods were other biological things to consider. (Spoiler: I ended up getting accepted for FLEP and had a baby during law school; now I’m in a division and deployed, and my husband is civilian, but we’ve identified some slots for baby #2)

There will never be a “perfect” time to have a baby, but some factors to consider: who will be more flexible and can be the “primary caregiver”? What kind of childcare options do you have? Do you want to wait until you’re near family? Are you in an often-deployed unit, or would taking a job at a non-deployable unit hurt you?

Also, I know some couples who are open to adoption, and that’s great! It’s so very hard to adopt while on active duty, though, because of the amount of time that goes into preparing for an adoption, such as getting references, doing home studies, etc. This is probably easier to do when you’re a captain and can “homestead” for 3-4 years at one duty station, while I know many majors that are only on station for 2 or less.

When I talk about this with peers or my Soldiers, I always remind them that the Army will end one day, so it’s important to put family first. While it may seem like a “wrong time” to have a child because you don’t want to miss out on one particular opportunity, or you think it will be too hard, remember that 1) babies are hard no matter what and 2) your baby and family will still be there after you take off the uniform, whether that’s at the end of the day or the end of your career. Don’t wait for the “perfect” time, if it’s a priority, make the best time you can, and don’t let possible regrets make the choice for you.