I will go with an answer towards build the vocabulary and telling a story:

For the USAR/ARNG TPU and M-Days, there is a straddling act with regards to how we talk about money.  While on active duty what we make is a known known; everything is a simple click away on the various DoD sites.  The only variables are generally BAH and whether a Soldier is receiving family separation pay.  For some reason, though, speaking about pay in the civilian sector is considered bad form, though that is changing as a necessary conversation about pay equity between genders is being had.  This lack of conversation makes it hard to have it when it is had, because there’s a line that sounds like bragging rather than discussing the potential of all.

What I have found over the years is that moving the discussion towards what it costs to live rather than what one makes can have a significant impact in describing the true cost of money.  Just like a higher interest rate imposes a cost on the money in a loan, the structural costs of making money imposes a cost on that gross income, and it can impose a cost on the family.  Storytelling being more impactful sometimes than a sliding chart of compounding interest, I try to build a picture before jumping in to specifics.

My personal example, in broad terms, is that I was a successful program manager and director of legal risk in New York City. Occupying a high rise office on Wall Street, view of the Statue of Liberty, Battery Park, and Governor’s Island, I walked away and took an AGR position in the USAR leaving an amount greater than 2x my base pay on the table.  What I have bought back with that money is time with my family (this deployment notwithstanding, but I would have deployed with my Guard unit anyways).  In the rear I had breakfast with my kids 3x a week, leaving early for unit PT 2x a week, and I was home for dinner every night.  Compared with a NYC schedule of leaving the house before 4AM to have time to go to the gym and beat the worst of the commute and getting home between 19-21:00, with near constant calls, I was missing my family and the money wasn’t worth it.

When discussing this scenario, one can start imagining what I could have been paid, but I start with the costs involved to set the tone for what is actually worth it in life, and how to develop a plan to maximize income while minimizing expenses in order to achieve the goals of saving for retirement, school, a new car, or whatever, and investing in self.

Simple example: when I returned from my last deployment my lead client, the City of New York, wanted me at one of their field offices full time working on risk for a Superstorm Sandy recovery program.  This office was 31 miles from my house but was largely inaccessible by public transport in a reasonable manner compared to my own office, requiring at least 4 trains in all, and taking the first train from my house would be the 4:58 Am, getting me to (with no delays) the office around 8AM (when would I have time to work out?).  So I drove.  Daily cost: $31.00 in bridge tolls (now $35.00), $2.75 in NJ Turnpike tolls, and approximately $6.00 in gas.  Luckily I did not have to pay for parking. That’s $39.75 a day to go to work, grossed up for my tax rate: $53.66 a day, or $13,952.25 a year just to go to work and earn a paycheck.  This cost was not compensated nor could it be expensed; I had to adapt to absorbing the extra cost of the commute, and I make sure to make that part of the discussion.

Running through the scenario and getting down to what it costs to make money before discussing what that money is, I have found, is eye opening to Soldiers.  I start with what you need, incorporate what I think you want, and we build expectations from there.  I am under no illusion that I have been fortunate in what I have done and managed in my civilian career, so I know the ability to walk away doesn’t exist for many, but at the same time I have paid a price in time with my family that I would have been willing to forgo some of that in order to have been with them.  When we get to the end of this exercise some have remarked that they can’t believe that’s what it takes, and they had no idea what I did in the City.  All they knew is that I drove a Fiat to work and thought I didn’t have money for a nicer car (I like mine, dang it).  I never tell them what I made, but they can see what it costs to make it, and they start analyzing their own costs.

End result is we have kids here now maxing out their BRS/SDP/personal savings, and a few have stopped talking about getting a motorcycle when they get back because they’re not going to finance something they don’t need.  Small wins.