@celineoh, you’re absolutely right that interactions in a classroom and drastically different than ones face to face. I learned this as a cadet when I got back to my room one day to find my roommate taking her routine afternoon nap. But as I came in, another friend of ours was also in the room and it turns out they were talking about some pretty heavy stuff (non-supportive parents as we prepared for commissioning, specifically). It also became apparent that a bottle of cough syrup that was on the desk was also a factor in this conversation. Long story short, our friend was trying to help her by talking through the issues, but she had drank about 1/3 – 1/4 of the bottle of medicine, to use her words, “so she didn’t have to think for a while”. Talk about red flags, right? So here’s the dilemma: do I violate the trust I’ve worked to build with my roommate over the past few years by “telling on her” to the TAC, or do I just “keep on eye on things” and step in when things seem worse? Well, it was very hard to do, but I did report the situation to the TAC. I absolutely felt like I had betrayed her trust. I think she was upset with me, but, the next day when the TAC asked to speak with her and then took her to speak to one of the school psychologists, I told our friend (from the beginning of the story) why I had to report her. Things were a bit awkward for a few days, but things settled back, our friends supported, her boyfriend was incredibly supportive, and she became better about talking through things as they happened (such as a bad phone call from home).

That was such a micro situation, but it was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. That’s part of the reason I think the Army places such emphasis on the training. All I can recommend is have people you can trust to talk through a situation like this if you witness something similar, and take the training serious for warning signs and how to react (the battle drills, as discussed above). Then, when you’re staring at a friend who needs help, you’ll know what you have to do, and only have to think about applying what you know to that person.

Lastly, if you are the one who is carrying that burden or hiding those secrets, I beg you to tell someone. There are so many resources (MFLC, behavior health, friends, mentors, leaders, teammates) who can help you navigate the maze you feel you’re in and let you know that you are valuable them, warts and all (as the saying goes). There is definitely hope for things to be better. The hard part is starting, opening your mouth to say the first words and then discovering that you will okay and the sun will still shine on you and the earth will NOT swallow you whole. There is hope and there is help. Sometimes you need it. Sometimes other people need you to be that for them.