The relationship I’ve had with my NCOs has always needed to be personal, with give and take on both sides, and adapting to each other’s personalities. For years prior to ever being in a position where I had an NCO (Cadet, new 2LT), experienced Sergeants and veterans would repeat the mantra over and over: “Listen to your NCOs,” and just as often “Trust your NCOs.” It was a lesson I tried to take to heart.

What I found with my first NCO was that my expectation did not match up with the reality of the relationship, mostly because my NCO was quite unlike most other NCOs I’d known up to that point. This Staff Sergeant was extremely competent when it came to his tactical knowledge and technical expertise. He was the subject matter expert in the Brigade on one of our key pieces of equipment. Everyone in my unit would point out that he was the best NCO in his role. However, he was also very passive, rarely voicing his mind, and never raising his voice. If given the option, he would always go with the flow, and if he came up against an obstacle, he would usually give up rather than try to overcome it.

It was an entirely different personality than what I had expected. I always listened to what my NCO said, but a lot of times what he said did not pass the sniff test. More often than I’d care to admit I was inspiring discipline in my NCO rather than the other way around. I always tried to trust my NCO, but quickly learned that there were certain things I could take at face value, and other things where I’d have to dig deeper. If he told me anything related to the technical or tactical aspect of our job, I could treat it as gospel. But if it came to completing certain tasks, I quickly learned to verify.

More than anything else, it came down to personality rather than a superior-to-subordinate or peer-to-peer relationship. My expectation of the NCO I’d get was the quintessential Sergeant Major personality you’d see in movies, but the reality was something else entirely. If I had tried to stay inside a specific type of relationship, I don’t think I would have gotten very far. A lot of times I had to play the role of disciplinarian and mentor, other times I sat down and absorbed what my NCO was trying to teach me. It ended up being a very productive relationship, but it was one based on personality and give-and-take, not necessarily hierarchy or partnership.