Authentic Mentorship – Buzzwords to Breakthroughs

Imagine walking up to a stranger and saying, “Hi, my name is Elijah, can you be my mentor?” Sounds simple, right? Yet, this approach is a fatal mistake in the quest for authentic mentorship—a relationship often misunderstood and undervalued.

Approaching mentorship with the same mindset as chasing “get-rich-quick” schemes is a critical misstep. Both rely on the illusion of shortcuts—an attempt to gain the reward without embracing the process. Authentic mentorship is not the idealized, effortless relationship often portrayed. It is complex, unpredictable, and sometimes uncomfortable. The military’s hierarchical structure further complicates this relationship. Could this be why many people avoid Authentic Mentorship? You bet! This type of mentorship is special and transformative, but like any meaningful relationship—whether romantic or platonic—it requires vulnerability, effort, and the willingness to grow; it just hurts!

What is Authentic Mentorship???

Authentic Mentorship is not a one-sided transaction where wisdom flows from mentor to mentee. Instead, it’s a dynamic, two-way process where both individuals share equal responsibility in fostering growth and development. This requires the mentee to step out of their comfort zone and the mentor to reflect on their experiences, pushing both parties to their limits. It’s time to reject surface-level mentorship and embrace authenticity. Authentic mentorship is not easy, but the rewards—a deeper understanding of yourself and others—are worth the effort. Mentors and mentees, if you want authentic mentorship, prepare to get vulnerable, build patience, earn trust, bridge the gap, and make time.

Get Vulnerable

For mentorship to thrive, vulnerability must exist on both sides. Mentors typically inspire their mentees through their achievements and growth. Yet, to foster a genuine bond, mentors must go beyond surface-level conversations. By sharing their struggles, failures, and lessons learned, they allow mentees to “peel back the onion,” creating a deeper connection. Mentees, on the other hand, face their own challenge: confronting the fears and uncertainties of their unknown future. The instinct to impress a mentor can lead to withholding vulnerabilities, but this only obstructs the mentorship process. Growth begins when a mentee can openly share their fears, doubts, and aspirations, allowing the mentor to provide guidance tailored to their true needs. Without this mutual vulnerability, hidden barriers can form, stunting the potential for growth. Authentic mentorship thrives when both mentor and mentee embrace openness and honesty, creating a safe space for transformation.

Build Patience

Mentorship is not about immediate results; it’s about growth over time. Both mentors and mentees must cultivate patience. For mentors, this means accepting that their advice won’t always be taken—and that’s okay. A mentor’s role isn’t to dictate decisions but to equip the mentee with tools for informed choices. Even when mentees make mistakes, those moments often become invaluable learning opportunities, solidifying the mentorship’s impact. For mentees, patience involves trusting the process, even when a mentor challenges their assumptions or decisions. A mentor’s role is not to validate every choice but to ask thought-provoking questions, helping mentees uncover blind spots and think critically. This process might feel frustrating at times, but it’s through this discomfort that growth occurs. 

Earn Trust

Trust is the foundation of any successful mentorship relationship, but it must be earned and nurtured by both parties. Mentors must trust that mentees will handle their insights and personal disclosures responsibly, without misusing or misrepresenting them. Similarly, mentees must trust that their mentor’s guidance comes from a place of experience and genuine care, even when the advice feels challenging or counterintuitive. For this dynamic to work, both parties must commit to building and maintaining trust through consistent, respectful communication. 

Bridge The Gap

Authentic mentorship requires emotional intelligence and discernment. Mentors must recognize where their mentees are in their journey and tailor their guidance accordingly. Offering advice prematurely can overwhelm or discourage a mentee, while waiting too long may cause missed opportunities. Mentees must also strive to understand their mentor’s perspective, appreciating that mentors often approach situations with insights shaped by their own lived experiences. By remaining open and curious, mentees can bridge generational or experiential gaps, fostering a deeper connection and more meaningful exchanges.

Make Time

Mentorship doesn’t happen passively—it requires intentional effort from both mentor and mentee. Mentors must prioritize time for their mentees, even amidst busy schedules, ensuring consistent check-ins to provide guidance when it’s needed most. Proactive communication signals to the mentee that they are valued, reinforcing the relationship. Likewise, mentees should take responsibility for maintaining the connection by scheduling regular check-ins and preparing thoughtful questions or reflections to discuss. This proactive approach ensures that mentorship remains a deliberate and impactful process.

Authentic Mentorship in Action Narrative

Meet Sergeant (SGT) John James, a dedicated and high-performing Noncommissioned Officer serving as a Team Leader in the U.S. Army. With four years of leadership experience, SGT James is deeply committed to guiding and mentoring Soldiers. However, he faces a challenging roadblock: convincing his Platoon Sergeant to prioritize the well-being and development of Soldiers over personal ambitions of career advancement and promotions. Whenever he discusses his disdain towards his supervisor, I can sense his frustration and exhaustion.

I am First Lieutenant (1LT) Raymond, SGT James’ former Platoon Leader and current mentor. Since serving alongside SGT James, I’ve transitioned to an Executive Officer role in an adjacent unit—a position that keeps me extremely busy. On top of my professional responsibilities, my wife and I recently welcomed our first child. Despite these changes, I remain deeply committed to supporting John as he navigates his career. While I haven’t worked directly with his new Platoon Sergeant and lack full context, I know John’s exceptional character and dedication. Supporting someone like John is not just a responsibility but a privilege that energizes me.

One evening around 8:00 p.m., just as I was wrapping up my bedtime routine with my son, my phone rang. It wasn’t unusual for calls to come in at this hour, but lately, my wife had been asking me to be more intentional about how I spend my time after work. When I glanced at the caller ID and saw it was SGT James—a rare occurrence—I knew it was important. I answered immediately: “SGT James, talk to me. What’s going on?” I’m making time. As I made time for him, SGT James’ frustration poured out. “Sir, I’m fed up. I can’t take this anymore,” he began, his voice heavy with frustration. “He just doesn’t care about the Platoon. How can I keep following someone like that? I’m so disappointed in the Army—they’ve let this go on for far too long.” His words reflected not just disillusionment with his Platoon Sergeant, but a deeper sense of betrayal by the system he has worked so hard to serve.

I’ve had several conversations with SGT James about the importance of using his downtime to decompress and spend quality time with his family. Yet, he continues to carry the weight of things beyond his control, even off-duty. I’m afraid SGT James is placing undue stress on his family by focusing on things that he cannot control in the moment. I’m being patient. I can’t entirely blame him; my family experiences similar stress, as I am often reminded to be present at home. So, I understand where SGT James is coming from. After listening to him vent, I gently reminded him how critical it is to be present at home when he’s home. I even shared my own struggles in doing so, empathizing with the inherent pull our professional lives have on us 24/7. In fact, I told him how my inability to fully disconnect has, at times, disappointed my wife. I’m getting vulnerable.   

After briefly addressing SGT James’ struggles with time management, I shifted my focus to the immediate issue at hand. I bridged the gap. I grounded my guidance in my own experiences, drawing from lessons I’ve learned throughout my career. To help him reflect, I shared stories of some of my former bosses—leaders who were self-absorbed and more focused on advancing their careers than caring for their teams. These anecdotes not only provided context but also fostered empathy and a sense of shared struggle, allowing SGT James to see that his frustrations weren’t unique and that he wasn’t alone in navigating such challenges. I earned trust.

In conclusion, the term “mentorship” has become so overused and diluted that it has lost much of its intended significance. To restore its true value, we must embrace the concept of authentic mentorship. Are you up for the challenging yet rewarding process of this relationship? I dare you to get vulnerable, build patience, earn trust, bridge the gap, and make time. You and our Army, will be better for it.