Embarrassed? Or Wrong?

I was on the road earlier this year and had something happen that spurred an epiphany for me. It’s not a huge, life-changing event and it’s certainly not new to most folks, but I think it’s an important message that needs to be reiterated:

Junior officers, correct your superiors. Help them be embarrassed instead of wrong.

Let me explain.

I was the guest speaker for a banquet with lots of senior folks. I was in my dress uniform, looking appropriately dashing and official. We had a pleasant cocktail hour where I mixed and mingled with the guests, getting a sense of the room and what people wanted to hear about. I talked with a dozen or more folks, most of whom were senior to me. We then sat down for a lovely meal (seriously, it was much better than the typical rubber chicken you get at things like this) and great conversation with the folks at the table. About midway through the meal, the woman sitting next to me leaned over and said:

“I’m not your wife, but may I please fix your collar?”

I of course assented immediately, but I was mortified. How could I have made such a rookie mistake? How did I fail to notice that my jacket collar had gotten caught under my shirt collar? And then I reflected further. How many other people had seen the same thing and not chosen to comment on it? The door greeter, the retired military folks I chatted with, the other guests in the vicinity; why didn’t they say anything?

It’s impossible to know, of course, but I have a hunch why. I was the Distinguished Guest Speaker, after all. Even though I was nominally junior to most of the people in the room, I was given an exalted place as the headliner for the night. One does not simply call out that individual for a mistake. It’s bad form. It might embarrass them. And we would rather have someone be wrong than be embarrassed. But in the end, I still came off looking like a knucklehead because I was in the wrong.

Junior officers, this is where you come in. When you see something that needs correcting on a senior officer, even if it’s a minor flaw in their uniform, do it. Be tactful, of course. No need to call them out in front of an entire group; pull them to the side and mention it to them. I guarantee they’ll appreciate it, and you’ll be a better officer for it.

Here’s why: at some point in your career, you are going to be in the presence of a senior officer when they are making a serious mistake. There’s any number of reasons why they’re making that mistake: maybe they’re tired. Maybe they learned it the wrong way. Maybe they have the wrong information or the truth changed. But you’re going to have to decide, at that moment, whether you’d prefer that senior officer to be embarrassed or wrong. So practice now.

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Ray Kimball is a senior Army officer who has been wrong enough times that he’s embarrassed about it.