Leave the Notebook Behind: Trust, Rapport, and Communication
The complexity of modern multi-domain operations presents unique challenges on today’s battlefield. While the integration of AI and next-generation command and control raise difficult ethical questions, human connection remains irreplaceable. Ignoring the importance of how we use our words as junior leaders can lead to failures that manifest as toxic leadership and a fractured unit culture. Externally, this deficit results in fractured partnerships and an inability to achieve a common operating picture with our allies. Building trust between allies and partners fosters essential human connection that enables intelligence collection and shared understanding.
Institutionally, the Army ought to view interpersonal communication as a perishable skill, akin to land navigation, marksmanship, or physical fitness. For junior officers, practicing this skill might manifest as specific, purpose-driven training on how to counsel NCOs and Soldiers effectively, both verbally and in writing. For soldier development, this could involve incorporating negotiation scenarios into field exercises or practicing de-escalation techniques with the same regularity as other individual and collective tasks. My own experiences as a junior officer, both while serving on the southern border mission and in garrison, have shown me how critical it is to master the skill of communication through interpersonal tact.
A Lesson in Diplomatic Currency
It was June 2025 and I was sitting in the office of the U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) Foreign Operations Branch and discussing our upcoming trilateral patrol with a faction of the Mexican armed forces. From January until October 2025, my unit worked closely with forces from the Mexican military to execute bi-weekly targeted patrols along the Texas and Arizona border barriers. Twice a week, I would give a convoy brief to my Soldiers before meeting CBP agents and Mexican military leaders at the border.
As we finalized our plans, I outlined the specific questions we had for our Mexican counterparts. It was only my second patrol with this particular group, and I was eager to gather intelligence on nearby drone activity, a suspected cartel oil rig, and a targeted stash house. The list of questions I had prepared was precise, reflecting the military culture that had shaped my communication style. In the Army, clarity and brevity are paramount to enabling shared understanding and mission success. I was treating our discussion with the Mexican military forces like a pre-combat check before I moved onto my next task.
The Foreign Operations Chief stopped me: “Ma’am – you’ve got to understand. They don’t communicate like we do. Remember, they do the small talk thing,” said one of the Foreign Operations Branch officers. “We have to find ways to work these questions into a conversation. And next time, leave the notebook behind.”
His comment stopped me in my tracks. The Ops Chief taught me my first lesson in diplomatic currency: the answers to my questions were not resources to be extracted, but a commodity that could only be sought from genuine human connection. Building this connection is not as simple as merely altering communication styles when necessary. Investing in relationships with peers and allies fundamentally requires a shift in mindset, grounded in humility and respect, and a transition from listening to understand others rather than listening to extract information. In the arena of multi-domain operations, information itself is a contested domain, and trust becomes our most effective tool. Trust built through interpersonal communication skills becomes a combat multiplier by developing connections with allies and partners that no system can replicate.
The Authority of Rapport
Many of the border patrol agents had the advantage of being born in border towns, growing up in the communities, and many of them had decades of experience as Border Patrol agents. Not so for us. Working as the liaison for U.S. CBP and my unit meant learning the language of border patrol agents, Mexican military forces, and local law enforcement as quickly as I could, adapting between each institutional dialect as necessary. Every interaction and conversation with these partners became an exercise in my ability to listen, adapt, and build credibility from scratch.
During my time on the border, I served as the liaison to CBP Domestic and Foreign Operations, their Intelligence Branch, Mexican Defense Forces, and even U.S. Marine Corps Engineer and Logistic battalions. Through recurring patrols with the Mexican military forces, I learned to cultivate relationships with their officers, building a professional rapport over months of joint operations. I soon learned to adjust my communication methods based on the specific partner and operational need. More profoundly, immersing myself in the distinct cultures of the Mexican military and Border Patrol agents allowed me to internalize and adopt the subtle nuances of their conversations.
My meager eighteen months in the Army or my second lieutenant rank carried little formal authority with many of the seasoned leaders I worked with on the border. However, an authentic approach to relationship-building guided the actions of those whom I did not command. By investing in our partners and adjacent units, and seeking to recognize their objectives, I identified where our missions overlapped and relied on shared understanding to accomplish operational success. This is the essence of building a coalition, whether on the border or within a unit composed of Soldiers, NCOs and officers of different backgrounds. This principle of finding common ground demonstrated that a network of trust is one of the most powerful tools for mission success.
From Liaison to Leader
A few months later, I returned to Fort Carson and was integrating with the law enforcement company as the incoming Patrol Branch Chief. I was immediately forced to revise my communication style once more to effectively lead the fifteen NCOs and thirty-five junior Soldiers under my purview. The patient, relationship-building dialect used with Mexican forces and the direct operational language of CBP agents transformed again. I now honed the motivational, yet assertive, tone required to counsel my NCOs; a shift that proved to be the most critical of all. My NCOs did not need a liaison; they needed a leader who could provide clear intent and unwavering support.
Upon returning home, I could not simply revert to a default communication style. I analyzed the personalities and backgrounds of my Soldiers and NCOs to identify the appropriate form of communication based on trust, mentorship, and discipline, a style distinct from the institutional dialect I had practiced daily. While I had to prove my value to contribute to joint operations with Border Patrol Chiefs, my NCOs needed to be empowered and heard, and my junior Soldiers required clear guidance and purpose.
However, leaders must be cognizant of the risks that may arise by altering communication styles for different subordinates. Tailoring communication with individualized styles can create a perception of favoritism that degrades a leader’s reputation and efficacy. Transparency and professional boundaries allow leaders to communicate a consistent standard of expectations while altering delivery styles to help Soldiers meet those standards. Methods are malleable, but the implementation of expectations must be equitable.
Being a junior leader in the Army demands a mastery of interpersonal communication skills: the ability to negotiate, motivate, and build rapport with partners, Soldiers, and peers alike. A leader who can only speak the language of command is fluent in just one dialect. Failure to expand and refine one’s communication methods can have detrimental effects internally on unit culture and individual motivation, and externally in mission-driven operational environments. The mission entrusted to us as junior leaders requires us to invest in these skills for the sake of our Soldiers, who deserve leaders who understand how to make an impact.
1LT Erica Esterly is a Military Police Officer serving as the Patrol Branch Chief for the law enforcement company at Fort Carson, Colorado. In 2024, she graduated with honors from the United States Military Academy at West Point with a degree in Philosophy. She previously served as the Law & Order Operations officer for the 759th Military Police Battalion.
Photos: DVIDS. 1LT Erica Esterly, 06 May 2025. Ft Cavazos, TX.
