Navigating Suicide in Your Unit: Reflections as a Company Commander

This is a true story about suicide. I have tried to depict events and conversations from my memories of them. In order to maintain their anonymity and out of respect for the Family, in some instances, I have changed the names of individuals and places and other identifying characteristics.

I had a few lofty goals coming into command in the summer of 2023. I wanted to improve the company’s maintenance systems and processes, get us to a T on all collective Mission Essential Tasks (METs), and enforce a solid Command Supply Disciple Program (CSDP). But I had only one hard, non-negotiable goal: to keep every Soldier under my command alive. The responsibilities on commanders are immense. They are written in almost every single policy and regulation, and they are codified in U.S. Law. One of the most basic responsibilities of commanders is “To take all necessary and proper measures, under the laws, regulations, and customs of the Army, to promote and safeguard the morale, the physical well-being, and the general welfare of the officers and enlisted persons under their command or charge” (Section 7233 of Title 10 of the United States Code). Of all the hundreds of “Commanders will” and “Commanders should” phrases written in regulations- this is the responsibility that is of the utmost importance. The purpose of this story is two-fold. I want to give commanders and fellow officers an idea of what they will face when presented with a suicide in their unit and to honor our fallen Soldier’s memory by providing tools for commanders and leaders at all levels to use to be resilient and rebuild unit morale following a suicide.

A Dark Sunday in April

In late April, 2024, I fell short of my goal of keeping everyone alive. We lost a Solider to suicide in the early morning hours, on a Sunday. I was notified by the deceased’s brother-in-law, who was also a fellow Soldier. He messaged me on Facebook and told me to call him right away. When we spoke, he informed me that my Solider, Sergeant Gonzalez, had died earlier that morning by suicide. My first thoughts were disbelief, mistrust, and suspicion. I didn’t think this was possible in a company like mine and I needed to verify what I heard. After numerous phone calls with the local police department, I finally reached a desk sergeant who could confirm that my Soldier had died and that the initial indications were that it was a suicide.

I never imagined that this would happen, and Sergeant Gonzalez was one of the last people I would ever think was struggling. He was a prominent and beloved leader, and I immediately knew this would send shock waves through the company. I called my battalion commander and battalion executive officer, and my wife packed me lunch for what was looking like a long day at the office. On the way to work, I called my mom, my chaplain, and the brigade behavioral health officer (BHO). One common theme throughout this story is that the support structure around the company is the most critical aspect of navigating a suicide. I personally relied on my family, my wife, my friends, my BHO, and my chaplain for support. Commanders who try and tackle this situation alone will not do well.

When I got to the office, we started on the paperwork. The first step was bringing in the S1 and having them pull the Soldier’s DD93 and SGLV from iPERMS and we sent those documents over to the Casualty Assistance Center (CAC). This step is time-sensitive because the CAC needs those documents to conduct the Family notification. I wrote the Commander’s Critical Information Requirement (CCIR), including everything we knew about the situation. I also started the Commanders Suspected Suicide Event Report, a portion of which is due to HQDA within 24 hours. To help with this form, I spent a while pulling everything I could about the Solider out of as many systems I could think of. When a Soldier passes away, their Army digital persona lingers, but not for long. I downloaded his Vantage Commander’s Risk Reduction Toolkit (CRRT) profile, Unit Commander’s Finance Report (UCFR) stats, previous awards, actions, leave forms in IPPS-A, current and previous profiles in MEDPROS, evaluations in my EES, and Soldier data sheets kept at the company level. Some or all of this information will be useful at a later date. Next, I worked on letters of good standing with signature blocks for the company, battalion, and division commanders, the posthumous award, which is done on a hard copy DA Form 638, and the letter of condolence for the Family (See chapter 7 of AR 638-8).  The most important thing to do on the same day as a Suicide is to get the CAC whatever they need as quickly as possible and pull all the information you can about the Solider before their digital profile disappears.

While I was at the battalion doing the paperwork and fielding phone calls from various agencies and leaders, a few of my NCOs, including my first sergeant, were at the scene. I wasn’t in a position to tell them not to go, but I knew nothing good would come of them seeing Sergeant Gonzalez’s body taken away by the medical examiner. That’s where they felt they needed to be so that’s where they went.

Official Unit Notification

My first sergeant and I decided to do the official unit notification first thing Monday morning. Before I left the office on Sunday, I wrote my notification briefing remarks. I used the Unit Commander’s Suicide Postvention Handbook published by the Army Resilience Directorate. It was helpful to have some bullet points to provide structure to the brief. I called it good after the second draft and went home. Monday would bring a whole new set of challenges.

On Monday morning the company knew that something was wrong. The NCOs who were at the scene the day before were holding back tears, or trying to. The battalion commander had reached out across the brigade and division and we had a ton of support. The division psychologist and division command chaplain were there, along with numerous chaplains from almost every battalion in the brigade. Telling the company that their fellow Soldier and friend was dead was easily the hardest thing I have had to do in my short career. The initial shock turned quickly into disbelief and immense sadness. After I read my speech, the company sat in silence for a while, and the tears started flowing. The long period of silence was broken after a while by a senior NCO in the company who spoke, then that was followed by another long period of silence.

Sergeant Gonzalez was a prominent figure in what we called “the auto office,” which was the main office in the motorpool where the maintenance supervisors worked. Another NCO and friend of Sergeant Gonzalez had this idea to go and sit in the office, and his thinking was “we might as well go in and come to terms with the fact that the office is still here even though he isn’t.” We told some more stories about Sergeant Gonzalez, he was a funny guy who made a lot of people laugh even after his death. Following some time to reflect, my BHO recommended I cut everyone loose. I felt good that we seemed to be ending on a high note. After having a few laughs about how his hair was always too long and how his mustache was always extending past the corners of his mouth area – much to the chagrin of the command sergeant major, we talked about how great of a Soldier he was. My first sergeant left the Soldiers with a final message: “Don’t make the pain worse.” The idea was to dissuade Soldiers from drinking too much to try an numb the pain and doing something regrettable. Thankfully, we did not have any incidents in the days following the notification, so I like to think this message stuck.

The Immediate Aftermath

Many Soldiers struggled in the days and weeks after the death of Sergeant Gonzalez. We had a domestic violence incident that in the days following the suicide, and we had two Soldiers with suicidal ideations reported to us in the next month. Thankfully, these issues were relatively minor compared to the company’s overall direction. The distraught tears at the notification on Monday turned to quiet stoicism on Tuesday, which then turned into a better mood on Wednesday.

I encouraged Soldiers to honor Sergeant Gonzalez in any way they could think of. Soldiers made memorial bracelets, car stickers, patches, and created a small altar for him in the auto office. It’s there you can find his favorite brand of cigarettes and some pictures of him. It helped to feel like you were doing something for the departed, and creating things in his honor which made many Soldiers feel purposeful. In addition to all of this, we continued to train and maintain. Our purpose is a powerful tool. I instructed my motor sergeant and shop foreman to slow down maintenance for the rest of the week following the notification. However, I told them that the Monday after pick it back up at full speed. The reason for this somewhat hastily return to normalcy was to give the company purpose. According to the National Action Alliance, “it’s important never to lose sight of the fact that it is part of a leader’s responsibility to stabilize the workplace and restore functioning.” We are a company of maintainers, and I thought that the best way to honor Sergeant Gonzalez was continue our mission as soon as practical.

The Funeral & Unit Memorial

We enjoyed two weeks that resembled normalcy, then it was time for the funeral. Sergent Gonzalez was a native of the area, so the funeral mass was only a short drive from our unit. The company turned out in force to both the mass and the funeral service. For those that he was close to, it was good that they had the opportunity to say goodbye in a formal setting. Sergeant Gonzalez’s Family hugged each and every one of us during the receiving lines. It was hard to face the mother of a Soldier who died under my command. Those feelings of failure were hard to repress throughout this process, but again, my support structure was critical in keeping my attitude even. The company was looking at the first sergeant and myself as the steady, unshaken unit leaders. I think this is another thing that we got right. Both of us struggled with the death of Sergeant Gonzalez. We didn’t try and hide that from the company, but we always controlled our emotions and acted the part of commander and first sergeant. Behind closed doors, however, we cried.

 The unit memorial service was the last major event we had to get through. The entire battalion was in attendance, and all the tributes were touching. The memorial is something that should not be innovative. We got the script and playbook from a sister battalion who also had a suicide recently. It went well because we practiced and rehearsed for two days prior to execution, just like any other Army ceremony. The battalion commander, a senior NCO who gave the Soldier tribute, and I practiced our speeches until they were close to memorized. I rehearsed with Soldiers sitting in the pews where Sergeant Gonzalez’s Family would be seated so I could practice my eye contact with them. The Family thought it was really touching and I was glad we got it right.

Reflections / Key Takeaways

As I reflect on the journey of dealing with a suicide in my company, these are the main things I learned and want to share with fellow officers:

1. Get the unit notification right. The unit notification sets the tone for the months following. Treat your Soldiers like the adults that they are and they will respect you for it. Getting this notification right immediately will get the company on the right track. If thoughtfully executed will bring the unit closer together in the wake of tragedy.
2. Take the postvention paperwork seriously. While it may feel mundane, the numerous documents you sign immediately after the suicide are very important. The documents you sign or draft will be seen by many, including the Family and your direct and very senior leadership. You need to know everything there is to know about the Soldier. Be aware that you may get to know the Soldier more in death than you knew him or her in life.
3. Know how to best support your Soldiers. Everyone handles loss and grief differently. As a leader, it’s important to know what your Soldiers need. For some, they may want someone to talk to. For others, they may just want to get back to work. Understand that taking care of them may mean getting them to a new normal rather quickly. Being part of the support structure is important but be the commander when they need a commander.
4. Be aware of the impact the loss has on you. When dealing with a loss in a unit, you can focus so much on the unit but neglect the impact it has on you as a human. Emotions can range from grief to pity or even shame. As you take care of others, don’t forget to take time to reflect and take care of yourself. Doing so will help you lead in the future.

The Army has a guide, technical manual, script, or doctrine for just about everything, including suicide. This is necessary because it happens far too often. What I learned is that the materials the Army gives commanders during a suicide postvention are useful, but they will only get you halfway. The other half comes from leaders. Senior NCOs, junior officers, first sergeants, and commanders must step up and be there for their Soldiers even during incidents as terrible as a suicide.